The Other Wes Moore page 100

 In 2019 I became pregnant with my first child. I was already grown so being pregnant was not the issue. The issue was who I was pregnant by. It was my brother's childhood friend and he does not have the best reputation. I knew breaking this news to my mother would break her heart but I could not refute the facts of what I had done. Everyone wanted me to leave him alone, to begin with. I saw the good in him that no one else did and that is why I chose to continue to deal with him. It took me a while to tell my mother because I just knew I wasn't going to hear the end of it. An abortion was out of the question. I never really saw myself having children but since we were here I decided to just go with it. I knew I was going to make a great mom so I didn't really have any doubts. It was not just about me though, the real test was if my son's father was going to be a great dad or not. Time was ticking and I knew I needed prenatal care. I did not want to do that alone so I had to tell my mom. She was very disappointed in me and I could feel all her emotions just rushing in on me like a wave of despair. 

I began questioning my decision because she would not stop lecturing me but I had to see it through. My son's father already had children from previous relationships and he did not seem like a bad dad to his other children so I may as well go for it. That is exactly what I did. My mother still to this day lectures me about having a child by the wrong person and I am forced to just listen. I see it as, why keep going over the past we just have to keep moving forward. What is done is done, Que sera sera. I have to live with the fact that I broke my mom's heart but she loves my son and I feel like that is the greatest reward I could ever ask for. Things could be better with my son and his dad (my mother was not completely wrong) but he does make an effort and that is all I can ask for. Not only did I break my mothers heart once but I broke it again when my son's father and I just recently got back together. My mother does not say it but I know she is very disappointed because of his reputation. The first impression of him when we began dating before I got pregnant was not the best so my mother still holds on to that. It hurt me that I hurt my mother but I am an adult that has to learn life the way I see fit. I have to do what makes me happy because nobody has to live my life but me. I could understand where Wes Moore was coming from, not wanting to tell his mother that he had impregnated Alicia because I too was in the same boat. I do feel it is different with daughters because mothers want so much more for their daughters. Mothers do not want their daughters to go down the same path they did and I wholeheartedly understand that. As an adult, I make my own decisions and just hope that my mother is on board.